Thursday, November 5, 2009

Answer to the feelings man....

This is the man alot of you ladies are waiting for! (lol) I am sure you noticed that there were more than 5 examples, that pointed to JW being a feelings man. But if you can simply spot 5, than you have learned the lesson. Now keep in mind ladies, all feelings men will not come in as fine a package as JW, however, they usually still make very good mates. The feelings man is the easiest man of all to establish rapport and intimacy with. He is usually very compassionate, and has alot of empathy for other people. He will fall in love faster than any other man. In fact, he may be 'in love' long before you are ready to even hear the word! The feeling man looks down a lot. Because remember, down is emotional/feeling to the side is auditory, and up is visual. The feeling man will often look down a lot before answering a question, because he has literally just dipped into his emotions before he answers you. If you were to ask this man a neutral question such as: "what were you like as a child?" he would likely answer something like "I was a happy/unhappy kid, or I was lonely or had a very loving childhood etc. But he will be answering from an emotional viewpoint. He will love the sad movies and songs that other men consider to be 'corny' He will likely love messages, exercise, running, jogging, jacuzzi, sports cooking, eating, dancing, and of course making love. He is the one man who is not afraid to say "I Love you" He longs to touch and be touched and because he is so close to his emotions, he is usually a fantastic lover who forges a physical as well as emotional connection with his partner. This is the perfect man to let your hair down with because he truly is interested in your inside more than the out. When it comes to the feelings man, instead of spending half a week's salary on a new dress, simply look nice and clean. Give him a cold drink or a snack and touch him while you talk. This is the way to get him to listen to anything you say. Simply touch him while you say it. He cannot get enough of being touched. He will love fine silks, and soft clothing. Leave of f the beady knit sweaters, and wear soft cashmere and velvets. Give him lots of hugs and kisses and he will respond in kind. His life will be designed around comfort and ease. He will like almost nothing better than a baby oil rub down. He is also the most affectionate man of all. For all you sisters out there craving affection, this is the man for you. Get on his wavelength, say things like: "I feel like you want to talk" "I understand how you feel" " That's a heavy thought " I just get a sense of ...." "lets stay in touch " "I feel/don't feel comfortable about.... "It's just so cold and sterile" " It shook me up I'm ok" "I'm the type of woman who can weather hard times" I think you get the picture. If you are a visual or auditory, you will have to practice a tad, but soon you will speak his language with no 'prob' The feeling personality: The feelings man usually loves sports or working out. He probably has a nice body because of this. He is a comfortable dresser, rather than stylish. He has a hard time sitting through long meetings or discussions (doing nothing). He is very sensitive to his needs and yours. He gets hurt almost as easily as a woman. He is a wonderful friend, so if things don't work out - try to keep him around. He usually makes an excellent father because he has so much empathy and can relate to the child's feelings in a much deeper way than most men. Anything that activates his senses will turn him on. ie, sex, dancing, exercise, warm baths etc. Sometimes women who go all out to look good (visual women) start relationships with kinestetic men (feeling's men) and all hell breaks lose, because she has no idea what is going on. The following example will illustrate this: Dawn removed her expensive coat and carefully hung it in the hall closet. She could hear her husband puttering around in the kitchen, making one of his specialties. She smoothed her already perfect clothing and headed toward the kitchen. As soon as she stepped foot in the door, her pulse began to race! She had left the kitchen spotless before she had left this morning and now it was a wreck! There was spaghetti sauce and dishes everywhere! crumbs on her counters, juice spilled on her freshly scrubbed floors, something running down the wall, and worst of all, her brand new kitchen rugs were ruined with sauce stains-she knew would never come out! Keith turned toward her with a big stupid grin on his face, he was covered in flour and some concoction she could not identify. "hey baby! just thought I'd make dinner " he said happily. "Then we can cuddle by the fire and-" "wait!, Keith-" too late he had come and put his spaghetti covered hands all over her expensive designer dress! Now Dawn was too angry to speak. Keith realized what he had done and tried to apologize quickly. "oh honey, I am so sorry- here take that off and I will hand wash it right-" Dawn stopped him with a withering look. "what the hell is wrong with you?" she demanded. "anyone with half an eye could see your hands were dirty-why do you act so stupid!" Keith looked as if she had slapped him. "honey, I said I was sorry !" he said softly. "but why do you have to say such cruel things, why are you so cold, and meanspirited? Do you realize how much pain you cause or you just don't give a damn?" Dawn backed away, and looked at him like he had lost it. "you wanna talk about pain!" she shouted. "look at my damn kitchen! I just cleaned it before I left, do you really think I wanna come home and see it looking like this!" "I had pictured coming home to a nice clean kithchen and now look what I get! Keith backed away, as if her words were fists coming toward his face. "honey I didn't mean-" '"S - A-V- E I- T! she drawled maliciously, her face a mask of anger. "You have ruined my rugs, my curtains, and now my dress all because you're too stupid to see, you can't cook! Keith looked beaten."honey I just wanted to hug my wife, sorry I sure did not mean to ruin your precious dress!" With that he turned and slammed out of the house leaving Dawn to clean the mess..... As you can tell from the above illustration Keith is a kinestetic. (note the happy smile, the mess and the desire for an instant hug so badly -he forgot about his dirty hands) You can also tell that Dawn is a visual (note the emphasis on clean, the fancy clothes and sudden irritation at the sight of the mess. If they don't start to learn each other's language soon, this marriage will disintegrate, especially since Keith felt that Dawn had hurt his feelings on purpose and did not really give a damn. They were both wrong. Keith should have never let her see the kitchen in that condition, and dawn should not have overreacted. The point is not knowing why someone is doing what they are doing can be detrimental and even lethal to a relationship. But knowing can smooth the way to greater love, harmony and rapport. -Thanks for coming see you next post.

7 comments:

DiosaNegra said...

Ouch! She didn't have to go THERE! I'd love it if my beloved made dinner for me...so the kitchen is a little jacked...we can always have some "good clean dirty" fun as we clean it up! Another great post! *back to lurking*

trish said...

I must admit I've never thought of it like that. I believe my ex was a feelings man. It's too bad I didn't know it then. I once sent him a nasty email because I was angry with him and he called me up furious and said that he cried. I regret so much about that incident, not long after that we broke up.

Anonymous said...

Ouch! She didn't have to go THERE! I'd love it if my beloved made dinner for me...so the kitchen is a little jacked...we can always have some "good clean dirty" fun as we clean it up! Another great post! *back to lurking*
----------------------------
I agree with this but he will be cleaning up the kitchen LOL

Anonymous said...

I see it like this, if she had a 6 year old son who had wrecked the kitchen to make her breakfast, unless she was really insensitve she would have more and likely been touched by his attempt to do something so sweet for her than harp on the mess he made in the process.

In this story, instead of lighting into her husband so harshly she should have taken a hard look at his efforts to suprize her with dinner and romance as messy as it was. She should have given him a big sloppy kiss, helped him finish preparing dinner and suggest they clean up the kitchen together having some "good clean dirty" as another commenter suggested. She valued her dress and a clean kitchen over her husbands attempt to do something thoughtful for her. The way she treated him, she may as well have spit in the spagetti because in her attitude that is exactly what she was doing! You can get the kitchen cleaned by a maid and you can get the dress replaced or dry cleaned, but that moment with her husband and the failure to value his thoughtful gesture will be lost forever. If it continues, he will make no more attempts to lovingly suprize her. But she will have her perfect clothes and her spotless kitchen right?

cinquetta said...

You give good examples and advice, I know a lot women who act this way. they treat their men like crap. These men crate to their ladies and still it is not enough. Also some men try too hard and that can get on woman nerves.

cinquetta said...

Hey young lady where are you. It has been a couple months since you post. I hope you are well. Please let us know how you are doing.

Iván said...

Thank you very much for this post, Sara. As a man, I have felt so identified to your description of a feelings man. (And i have never thought about myself that way, I just had the idea of being kinda romantic or, as we say in Spanish, "sentimental"). That's my way of loving a woman, I have no other. I'm so happy for you Black women, for your liberation movement to love who you want. You have all my support (and love).
Congratulations for your amazing blogs!