Saturday, March 7, 2009

How to use your female Mystique

How do you explain that certain something that draws ppl to you?That makes you seem far more attractive than you actually are. That makes you seem taller, funnier, sexier etc. I know that there have been plenty of times in my life when 'knew' I had it. And other times when I knew for some reason, I just didn't It always seemed that the times I was easily able to project it, were the times I wasn't trying to... I remember once, it caused me to lose a friend.... I remember back in HS. I lost homecoming queen to another girl. I was pretty devastated, and had to go to the bathroom to pull myself together. My best friend at the time was there talking chattily about how I should not be upset because these things happened. She seemed inordinately 'cheerful though' and I remember a funny feeling in my gut. I remember feigning nonchalance and said; "You're right girl. I'm going to forget about it, and go out for Mayday queen!" She seemed taken aback,and stared at me. "Well...." she stammered. "I don't think that's a good idea...Ain't you too devastated?" I shook my head. "I guess not, I kinda had the feeling she would beat me, but I believe I'll win Mayday queen. She could not believe my confidence, and seemed almost shaken. I swore her to secrecy, and then watched amazed as person after person asked me when I had decided to run for Mayday Queen. She had clearly told everyone! Thanks to her big mouth, everyone knew I was running before I even put up posters, and as a result, I easily won. I was happy to win, but very uncomfortable with the fact that she had told everyone AFTER I asked her to keep it a secret. I began to keep a closer eye on her, and noticed that she constantly eyed my boyfriend like he was candy. The weird thing was, SHE was the one who had gotten us together, and begged me to go out with him. But watching her around him, it became patently clear she wanted him for herself. I waited for her to make her move, and soon she did. One day in chemistry she told me (in front of everyone) that she had told Tony I didn't care about him, and had only gone out with him because she begged me to. She went on to say that she was tired of watching me think I was 'all that' because SOME ppl thought I was pretty, and she was tired of me using people. When I asked her to name someone I had used, she spit Tony's name out, and told me she was tired of me thinking everything was about me and that Tony deserved better. I looked at her closely for a moment. Then I calmly said; "S--- I was waiting for your true colors to emerge-how long have you been in love with him? She stood there with her mouth open, blinking at me, trying to force her head to swing in denial, but it didn't work. Everyone in the class stared, and made comments about how jealous she must be to go tell MY boyfriend all this BS about me using him. She started screaming about how she'd have made a much better gf to Tony, than me, and how I was just getting by on my looks. ( She had always rated my looks alot higher than her own) She stormed off crying, and never spoke to me again. The stupid thing was, had she told me from the start she liked him, I would have helped her get him. She pushed me toward him over and over merely because SHE DID NOT HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO GO AFTER HIM HERSELF!' It didn't work at all, and her open display only served to lower her status in his sights, while simutaneously pushing me up even higher on my pedestal. And when he heard through the grapevine that she was crying because she was so jealous of me, the attraction that he, and many other boys in school had for me, went through the roof! Ladies know that anytime you show jealousy for another female, you are elevating her, and debasing yourself. Never show jealousy, it always makes you look weak and second best. If someone is so attractive it's bothering you, acknowledge her and move on-never dwell. Always know that you are just as good as anyone else, and that you have unique qualities that belong ONLY to you, and you have NO reason to be jealous of anyone else. I used my life exp. because for years I was popular without knowing why, and I knew that sometimes I would project something that ppl seemed to find irrisistable but I had no idea how I was doing it, or how to control it. After studying it in and out of college, I have a much better grasp on what it is, and how to control it..... The REAL secret to creating mystique is to proudly wear whatever you are, like a badge of honor. For exp. When I was in this HS, we had just gotten back from Hawaii, and I had a very proper dialect (from years of training at my grandmother's insistence) She abhorred colloquial speech patterns, as she called them, and spent years instilling in me the need to enunciate every word. As a result, I had, and still have a very proper sounding voice. I also came up in a family that thought dark skin was gorgeous, and since I'm dark this worked in my favor, and I had/have an absolute love for my dark brown skin. Plus, my daddy always told me I was as gorgeous as a movie star, and I 'knew' he meant it. And even though I knew it was just his love talking, it was still a confidence booster. When I arrived at this school (junior year) the kids were so fascinated by me, that many times ppl were following me down the hall. See I was dark, yet considered very-pretty, I was quiet, yet lively. I was proper speaking, and unashamed of it. I was in a word 'DIFFERENT!'. And different = mystique! I'll tell you a little secret. Whatever you are constantly thinking is being conveyed to the ppl around you! It's very difficult to hide your personality for long because it comes out in everything you do, so the first rule of mystique is to think you are SPECIAL! I don't care what you look like, or where you are from-there is something special about you! Don't let anyone tell you there's not. Play up your talents, gifts, and potentials. The simple trick is to REVEL in whatever makes you, you. Being really good at almost anything will surround you with MYSTIQUE! PPl are always fascinated by ppl who are really good at something. If you've ever watched the Closer, with Kera Sedwick (sp?) I'm sure you've seen how although she's got some wrinkles, and her overly white skin direly needs a tan, she 'KNOWS' she's really good at her job. And this confidence spills over into every other part of her life. Watch closely, and you will see that she struts when she walks! I can tell she's thinking; "I'm one hot mama!" And it never seems to take the men in her life long to agree with her. See, this is why it is SOOOOOO important to have high self-esteem. Because the world will begin to agree with you! Most ppl will see you the way you see yourself. This is almost always a double-edged sword. If you are too tall, think of all the women who would love to have your height, and consider yourself a long-legged beauty. If you're too short, Think of all the lovely short women, Janet Jackson, little Kim etc, who make short, adorable, and think of yourself this way. If you hate some part of your body, either change it, or change the way you think of it! Be dark and lovely instead of 'too dark'. Be a dazzling red head instead of a fake red head. Be voluptuous instead of too hippy. Be sassy instead of argumentative. Be adorable instead of diffident. Be passionate instead of unruly. Be zealous instead of hard headed. I think you get the picture. It's more in how you think of yourself than almost anything else. It's odd to me that other women seem to inherently know this, but bw don't. BW seem unable to appreciate themselves unless they look like beyonce. (and how many of us look like that?) Yet a ww can look like Barbara Striesand and still be considered beautiful. Why? Because there are many forms of beauty! Babs IS beautiful! Think about it. She's multi-talented, inspiring, rich, well known, engaging, and interesting! These are all different forms of beauty in a woman. What are some of your forms? Let me give you another exp. I was watching a court show (old rerun-Judge Wapner) one day. I saw a dark skinned well dressed woman come into the court. She was med- height yet she looked much taller because she carried herself like a queen. When I first saw her, I thought she looked average (at first). But as I watched her walk up to the podium with such a regal air, and so well dressed, I found she looked more and more attractive. She almost seemed to wearing an invisible tattoo that said DARK GODDESS! Out of the blue, my male cousin, who was sitting next to me, murmured "Look at that GODDESS!" I was amazed because that was the word that had come to my mind as well! The (wm) judge (Wapner) seemed to share his reaction. His eyes widened, as he sat up to 'drink her in', and he could barely seem to look away from her to address the plaintiffs. It appeared she was suing a dry cleaner because they had ruined some of her very expensive clothing. The dry cleaner maintained that their liability was capped at 25.00 per item, and that they had no intentions of paying 1000.00 for her clothing. The woman spoke very eloquently, and held her head high and proud. She informed Judge Wapner that she should be compensated for the full amount of the clothing, and that it was distressing to her that the cleaners would not take responsibility for their actions. I was stunned as I watched Judge Wapner come to her defense. He all but screamed at the poor dry cleaner, about how dare him try to cheat "this beautiful, elegant, mesmerizing woman!" He went on about how anyone could see she wore very high end clothing, and she could not be expected to settle for a paltry 25.00! He tore into the poor cleaning man angrily, as the audience looked on in stunned surprise. Even they could see his open attraction for this woman and his inability to remain impartial. He even apologized to the woman for her having to leave her high powered job to be there that day, and told her that someone so beautiful shouldn't have to deal with such nuisances! The cleaner put his head down and sighed. He knew he had lost to the power of female mystique. She, of course got her award and walked happily away with Judge Wapner's eyes still following her every move... Whatever this power is, this woman had it in droves. I remember how uncomfortable the ww seemed. They seemed to grow more shocked and upset as the men talked outside about how the Judge had been so taken with her grace and beauty, he had seemed mesmerized. Ladies, this is the power of the female mystique. This woman only became 'so beautiful' after everyone saw her graceful carriage, her confidence, her lovely tone of voice, her class etc. These things transformed her before everyone's eyes. You can utilize this same power-It's all in your mind.........

13 comments:

Velvet Queen said...

This is one of your best posts, Sara!!!! At least in my opinion. You are so right. I loved the examples & it was very inspiring. Makes me wanna go outside right now & make heads turn! Maybe even break necks!!!

It is very important for women to start ACTING like they're beautiful...in a positive manner and this is definitely a positive manner!!!! There's a difference between an attractive woman who's constantly degrading herself & a plain Jane sort of woman who enhances, and appreciates herself. I'd rather iconize the latter!

Excellent!

Anonymous said...

Great post Sara! Great info.....

Anonymous said...

great lesson. That was information I really needed. But are you going to finish the holling girls story soon? thanks.....

Anonymous said...

i really enjoyed you post Sara, i'm just realizing (kinda late i know) that my mind and personality (as a woman) should be not be my main focus. why not be the ultimate package and knock these boys dead, lol. good thing i'm a fast learner, but i really liked your post, especially about the goddess

Anonymous said...

I think the most important thing for any woman to remember is that SHE must set her OWN standard (definition) of beauty. And also realize that her look might not be for everyone, but its certainly for someone (that right someone). I am my own definition of beauty and b/c I live my life that way, I command a lot of attention. I always seem to meet the guys whose tag line is "I don't normally date__ but there is something about you that I can't get over. Are you American?" I always laugh an tell them, yes, I'm a PROUD YANKEE !!!!

Anonymous said...

Fantastic post!!!!!
I'm 20 and in college, and this helps me a lot! As I was reading, I realized that I am actually already doing some of those things, but not all the time. As you yourself stated, sometimes you knew how to use It, and sometimes you didn't. I'm at that stage now. Certain days, I wake up, and I can literally see myself glowing in the mirror. I could walk outside, and because I think very highly of myself, it seems to radiate to others as well. I'll notice that more people are willing to chat with me and flirt and stuff...I just pull more people in when I'm in that particular Zone. But my problem is, is that it's not like that ALL the time. Some days I'll have it, some days I won't. I'm really trying to find out why. Maybe I should just relax and let it flow...

reakky Sarah, yoiu have no idea how invaluable this is to me, and other women (especially college age women) like me! I am an avid reader of Evia's blog as well, and I KNOW that I am at an important age in my life. It's important for me to cultivate and learn how to use that mystique for a great future.

Thanx!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Excellent blog! I used to be my own hardest critic until I recently discovered my "mystique". I was feeling so happy and satified with life that I did not realize that I was incurring hate from other sisters. One day in a restuarant, a snarky sister commented, "Oh, I didn't know Tyra Banks walked in" and didn't stop until she got the attention she needed. I laughed so hard. The same sisters can't figure out why a dark, short, 200lb sista like me can pull professional white men! If only they knew the "secret". Sisters, you are all special and unique. Embrace yourselves and each other. Keep up the good work, Sara!!

Mia

Taylor-Sara said...

Thanks Mia,
but why don't you elaborate, I think their all dying to hear your 'secret'. Many sistas out there would love a tall dark handsome white man. Why don't you tell them how you do it....

Anonymous said...

Taylor Sara,

To use your quote, "How do you explain that certain something that draws ppl to you?That makes you seem far more attractive than you actually are. That makes you seem taller, funnier, sexier etc." I can't explain the "mystic". Maybe it's my lust for life, my educational experiences, world travels, interest in world events, or my joi de vivre. Who knows. It attracts people (including white men). I finally got over myself and started to appreciate my special gifts that go beyond physicality. Isn't that what loving someone who looks different from your own skin tone is all about? Is interracial dating only reserved for the model thin?

Anonymous said...

I am a 21 yr old college student. And by default i have always had this mystique about me. I have always had confidence in myself, even at a young age. Lately i would say people are more attracted to me when I don't make an effort in my looks. People come out the wood work to say hello. It's the mystique that comes through, constantly. I can't help it. Now my problem is I don't know how to take it further. They hello, try to get me to notice them, and maybe even ask how is my day, but that's it. How do I get them to ask me out? I prefer they make the move then me.

Anonymous said...

Good Comments Mia and others.

Like everyone else I believe in:
Faith
Family(a good value system)
Love Yourself First-before any man
Confidence
Monitor your ego
Be Thankful, Just Because
Be More Outgoing...
At least be willing to try new experiences and more ethnic type foods. Men like to see women try their native dishes.

Who knows you might surprise yourselve and actually like some of your new advantures.



ann

MadHatter said...

J'Adore Rio, I was just about to write a reply exactly like yours. I am different, and find myself being somewhat popular. In high school, I was one of the different kids; now I am a twenty-year-old college student, with status, and a lot of acquaintances. It all stems from my enhancing my nerdy and quirky character traits that make me different. I hope that other people learn to embrace their true self for mystique!

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