BASTARD ALERT!!! (Take the bastard test!!)

TAKE THE BASTARD TEST!!! (Parental Advisory!) Are you attracted to bastards? Take the test and find out. The following story is a reprint. The first step in finding Mr Right is to absolve yourself of the attraction to bastards..... I think alot of the time when women claim that they cannot find true love, it is because they are looking for that devilishly handsome, sexy bastard that every woman dreams of taming. Ladies, the truth is that for most bastards, it will be a long time coming, before they become good husbands, if ever. Most women need to be bastard deprogrammed at some point in their lives. Don't be ashamed if you do, -just get on the phone to bastard-rehab and make an appointment-FAST! What do I mean by bastard? Well lets discuss. Being sexy and/or handsome doe's not make him a bastard of course, but these are some clues that he just might be a bastard. he has alot of sex appeal but not too much emotional appeal he is OVERconfident, like he knows he's the sh*t He's quite sweet and charming in the beginning, yet as time goes on, you notice he is colder and colder for no conceivable reason. As soon as he has you hooked, he begins to lie and manipulate until you don't know up from down anymore. He has ex-wives or ex-girlfriends who want to kill him! The break up of his last relationship was ALL HER FAULT! Yes, he's been in jail for domestic violence but only because she nagged all the time, and drove him to it. Yes, he's married but he didn't tell you because he loves you so much and did not want to lose you. He's super -good in bed. 'honey he ought to be, with all that practice bedding everything from teenagers to grandmothers The fact is that bastards are very sexy, of course they are they're so bad-boyish and unpredictable! You never know if they will show up for dates, make a pass at your mother, fall in love with your best friend, when you are 8 months pregnant, or "leave your ass for a white girl" You can usually tell when a friend is dating a bastard. After all if the knot on her forehead doesn't let you know the astronomical psychiatric bills should. I am convinced the reason many women have a hard time finding lasting true love is simply because women are conditioned to be attracted to bastards. In all the romance novels, the heroine finds some bastard, tames him, makes him hers and lives happily ever after. In real life, she probably would not make it to her 30th birthday before the men in white coats had to haul her away. Why? because the bastard would have caused her to lose her sanity! Ladies, we MUST lose our attraction to bastards. Loving marriages and bastards do not go together! Oh! you swear that you are not attracted to bastards, read the following story; and if your pulse starts to race, your heart starts to pound, or you get so excited you have to take a cold shower, then,- hurry girl, call bastard-rehab quick, because honey you are on full BASTARD ALERT! TAKE THE BASTARD TEST! Read the following story and note how you feel. If you find yourself making excuses for our male protagonist, -you may have a problem resisting bastards. Check your results at the end. The following story is NOT for children! (Parental Advisory!) Alisha was determined to break up with Antonio this time-he was not going to sweet talk her anymore! She tore through the house snatching all of his favorite things and throwing them quickly into the black trash bag. " this is what he gets, she thought angrily. "A big black trash bag of expensive stuff, free to the neighbors!" Foot ball jersey, lead crystal, designer towels, and bedding, brand new in the package, anything she could fit, was going in. 'That Italian son-of-a-bitch!' She thought angrily, she grabbed handfuls of his designer suits, cuff links and a full jewelry case, and tossed it all into the bag, She knew the items were worth thousands. She had been with him when he purchased most of it. Then, struggling to lift it, she opened the large picture window and let the over sized bag slide from of her sweaty palms over the edge of the sill. It hit the ground with a resounding thud, and was instantly ripped open by greedy neighbors. This was the 3rd one she had tossed out, she noted with satisfaction that the neighborhood people were enthusiastically going through Antonio's expensive things like a free garage sale. They knew the routine. Everybody knew that when a female is throwing out her man's stuff -hurry and get it before he comes back. Word had spread, and the crowd outside had gotten quite thick. As she filled another bag, she thought about their 3 years together and how she had loved him beyond reason, and now she knew for certain this other bitch was pregnant by him! She wanted to cut him and kill her! She was so hurt and angry she could hardly breathe. She sank down into the thick pile carpeting, starring at herself in the mirrored closet door. Her usually beautiful, dark face looked like hell right about now. She was unkempt, her hair was long and wild, and her sweaty red dress clung to her curves for dear life. She had to have a shower. She couldn't leave like this, there were too many people outside. She would take a fast shower, then she would get the hell out of here. Pulling herself unsteadily to her feet, she stepped into the luxury bath and took a fast, steaming hot shower. Then yanking open the walk in closet door, she grabbed the first thing of hers she saw, a clean white tee and pair of gray jogging pants. This large, luxury 6 br house belonged to Antonio, yet plenty of her stuff was here, the result of their 3 year long relationship. She raked a brush through her long, thick hair and grabbed her purse. " I'll just leave town" she resolved. " I am so f*cking done with him! I'm going to leave this bastard forever" She turned toward the door, but not fast enough... A moment later, The people outside heard the distinct sound of a customized BMW and knew Antonio was back. People grabbed stuff from the bag desperately and ran, Nobody wanted to feel his wrath. A moment later, Antonio's large 6.4 bulky frame emerged from the car. His blue eyes looked like dark ice in his chiseled face, his black hair glistened from the fast shower he had taken at the gym, and his body was toned and taut. The women caught their breath as he reached back to grab his gym bag. His muscles straining against the expensive material of his shirt. He looked like the hero in a Harlequin romance, even in his enraged state. His best friend had informed him that Alisha knew about Kim, and rumor was, that she was leaving him. His handsome face was set in an anchor of stone. His presence as intimidating as a thunderstorm, people backed away as he passed by. Moving as if he were the head lion returning to his pride, he bounded up his walk way. 'This bitch thinks she's leaving me! she got another thing coming' He thought angrily. He made the money, she didn't, she had nothing! 'her little black ass would still be in the hood scrounging for something to eat if it hadn't been for me!' he thought angrily. I gave her a better life, took her places she would have never seen, bought her things people from the hood don't bother dreaming about, cause they know it'll never happen, and she thinks she's leavin' me? His anger increased, and matched his strides. Moving into the house, he took the stairs 2 at a time. A moment later he caught sight of Alisha's beautiful, frightened face trying to run down the back spiral staircase that led from the kitchen. In one felt swoop he jumped the railing, threw his gym bag aside, and grabbed her arm. She turned, tears streaking from her chestnut colored eyes. "leave me alone Tony!" she shrieked, trying to pull away from his vice-like grip. " I hate you- and I'm leaving you, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it! " "You sure baby" he hissed in her ear, "you sure about that?" In an instant he had grabbed her around her small waist, and easily lifted her up, carrying her effortlessly back up the stairs. " Stop! No please! Tony, put me down! " Alisha forgot she was angry, now she was scared, Antonio had a fierce temper and she had seen him reduce grown men to simpering masses on more than one occasion. He carried Alisha back into his bedroom and threw her roughly on the bear skin comforter. His face was unreadable, but she knew exactly what he had in mind when he unbuckled his belt. Alisha turned to run. With lightning speed he was across the room. He grasped the top edge of Alisha's white tee, and ripped it from her shaking body before she had time to think. "So you leavin me huh baby" His tone was cold, and low. Alisha felt rising panic. Fighting back, she raked her nails over his handsome face. She was ill prepared when he drew back his hand and slapped her with such strength, her jaw felt dislocated. She fell back on the bed disoriented, and sobbing. Antonio watched her as he took his time removing his clothes. She obviously needed a reminder that she belonged to him! Alisha starred up at him trembling. Her mind was screaming run, but she felt paralyzed in fear by his cold callus stare. When he closed in on her, she tried to resist, but to no avail, He was far, far too strong. Easily he flung her back to the bed as she tried to escape, with such force, the wind was knocked from her. Grasping her bra, he gave it a hard tug, and it was ripped from her body. Her large breasts bounded free. Lowering his head, he sucked them hungrily. Then, moving to the edge of the bed, he pulled her struggling body to him and and snatched off her jogging pants. She was naked except for her bikini panties. Her breath coming out in short, fear-filled pants as she tried to escape across the bed away from his searching hands. It was no use, pushing her body into the soft mattress, his mouth came down once again on her breasts, rough and demanding. exploring her with his tongue like a man who knew exactly what he was doing. His hands, hard and unsympathetic, pulled her trembling thighs apart, He drank in the sight of her shaking in fear, enjoying her terror. Her cries for help went unanswered as he ripped the panties away with one hand, holding her down with the other, his fingers playing in the dark curls between her thighs "so your black ass thought you were goin' somewhere huh' lisha?" He mocked, his cold blue eyes raked over her. "Just thought I'd give you a goin' away gift." Alisha was crying hysterically as he moved away and yanked her, once again to the edge of the bed. His hands, over her flesh were rough and frightening. "please, Antonio-" she begged, Trying to push his large determined body away from hers. Like a fox he watched and waited until she tried to lift herself from the bed. As soon as she did, he grabbed both legs, pulled them up and apart, and pushed himself roughly inside of her. She screamed helplessly as he took her in long, deep, powerful strokes. Her cries for help, and shrieks of pain only served to make him more excited. Alisha's hands flailed wildly but she couldn't get away from the blinding pain no matter how she tried. Antonio, his eyes glazed over in ecstasy, seemed not to hear her. She sobbed with pain, and when he bent to kiss her, she hog spit in his face. He calmly wiped his face and then turning back, he slapped Alisha so hard her lip started to bleed. "Want me t'show you how rough this shit can get baby?" He hissed in her ear, his voice was menacing, and without compassion. "you know I love it rough -so let me know if that's how you want it!" Alisha shook her head no, crying to hard to answer. He took a tissue from the box and gently wiped the blood and tears from her sad face. Then winding his hand in her long dark hair, he pulled her head back and kissed her over her face, her throat, her lips, then finally back to her throat. He knew exactly how to turn her body against her. forcefully, he took her to his heart's content, moving in and out of her body like he owned her. After all he did, she belonged to him and he was never going to let her go. Her screams gave way to quiet sobs, as he held her body 'open' to receive him. He rode her until her body yielded, and just as he knew it would, began to betray her. He could feel the difference as her arousal deepened against her will. The pain giving way to something different... something slow and indescribably sweet... The heat starting in the center of her body moved outward until it threatened to consume her. Antonio's movements increased in tempo, he was reaching his peak as well. Alisha clawed the sheets as he took her to new heights, then everything was exploding. She found herself shaking, screaming and drifting back to earth, her body wracked by tremors of pleasure she could not control. When he finally moved off of her, Alisha was cried out, spent, and whimpering softly into the pillow. She felt so much pleasure and pain, she could hardly move. Antonio watched her like a tiger watching it's prey. A coy smile tugged at the corner of his sensuous mouth. Expertly, he feigned remorse, pulling his girlfriend gently toward him, he buried his face in her sweet smelling hair. Finally giving her the gentle tenderness he knew she was desperate for. He was an expert on women, and knew exactly what to do, when to do it and which technique to use. He even knew that although he had just beaten, and raped her, her attraction for him had just gone through the roof and there was not a snow ball's chance in hell of her leaving him. He was a true bastard. And a true bastard always knows exactly how to make a woman putty in his hands. Alisha was no exception. A second later, as he knew she would, she laid her head onto his bulky shoulder and began to cry. Antonio played his role to the hilt. Murmuring endearments to her as she cried, and kissing her gently. He 'knew ' instinctively that now was the time to give her love and affection. He could almost feel her fighting with herself trying not to forgive him, trying to fight the love and attraction tearing at her soul, he also knew she would lose that fight. He spread his muscled arms wide, and smiled with satisfaction as she slowly moved into them. His blue eyes were mysterious, and calculating. He knew she wasn't going anywhere, the look in her eyes told him everything she would not say. His smile was self-assured, and cunning, but Alisha couldn't see it. She was too busy wrapping herself in his arms, and holding on for dear life. His lips gently brushed her soft brown cheeks. Expertly Antonio feigned repentance. " Baby don't leave me!" he whispered cunningly. "I love you, I just can't lose you-I.... I don't know what I would do if I lost you." He let his voice trail off sadly. Alisha fell for it. Pulling him close, she wrapped her arms around his wide shoulders and accepted his kisses. Her eyes sparkling with unshed tears, but also with trepidation as she gazed at him. How could she forgive him after what he just did? Yet, how could she let him go? Her attraction for him was so strong, it felt like a living thing. More alive than the orgasm she was still shaking from! Even as a part of her hated him right now, a stronger part of her was hopelessly in love and attracted in a way she had never experienced before. ' I swear that kid ain't mine baby," Tony lied easily. He was not about to let a little thing like honesty cause him to lose her. "That little trick has been on my d*ck since day one-but you know you're the only one for me!" He scrutinized her face so he would know how to adjust the story. "Baby, you're my everything, I love you so much, I can't even describe it! The thought of losing you just made me crazy!. " He leaned down and kissed her tenderly, gently kneading her breast until she gasped. Suddenly the thought of losing Antonio was just too much for Alisha to bear. Her resolve to leave, sliding away like her tears, into her pillow. "It's not even his!" ' she told herself, as Antonio's hands ran gently over her body. " My baby would never do that! She decided. She forgot about the fact that' her baby' had just beaten and raped her. She forgot that he has seemed to enjoy the sound of her screams. And she forgot that she could almost read the lies written on his handsome face. All she remembered was how sweet and loving, and contrite he was right now..... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PS. If you are sweating or breathing hard right now, you may have a BA (bastard alert) If you know you were attracted to Antonio, then yes, (don't bother denying it) you probably Do have a bastard alert. But if you are lighting up a cigarette right now and asking yourself "Dayuuummm, why that dumb bitch wanna leave him!" Child, check yourself into rehab right away -cause you definitely have a BASTARD MEGA-ALERT!!! Bastard-deprogramming, is here to help you (please call 1800-Bastard) -All major insurance accepted. PSS. PLEASE DO NOT GIVE YOUR BASTARD THE ADDRESS OF OUR FACILITY! ____________________________________________________________ QUALITIES *MANY BASTARDS HAVE* THAT ATTRACT WOMEN I wanted to inject some levity into this post not because I believe in making fun of rape, but because I wanted to make the situation more palatable, and easier to talk about. The truth is that many women are attracted to bastards. Lets face it, many of them are sexy (like the one above) but that does not negate the fact that he is an a**hole who beat and his raped his girl after she found out that he cheated on her! The truth is that in order to have healthy relationships, you ladies will have to deprogram yourselves from bastards. Most women who don't have a good man usually don't have them because they are attracted to bastards, and cannot bring themselves to let a 'nice' guy into their space. Many women of all races are attracted to a strong/commanding /confident, and even slightly arrogant man. Many women cannot bring themselves to admit this, but it seems to be a common female trait. I will give you another example: ____________________________________________________ There was a guy named Donald who liked a friend of mine. (We'll call her Lara) He talked about her all the time and seemed to melt whenever she walked into the room. Well, she was totally uninterested, and made it clear she could not stand him. She often complained that she did not want him following her around. The more everyone told her what a nice guy he was the more turned off she seemed to become. One day he begged me to get her come to a wedding. His aunt was getting married, and he thought it would be perfect if she was there. I was already going, as I knew his aunt, so I asked Lara to come with my family. I knew better than to tell her he asked me to get her to come. She accepted the invite on the grounds that if he was there, I would not let him 'stalk her' as she put it. At the wedding she came in looking lovely like she always did. He could not seem to take his eyes off of her. I could feel her squirming under his gaze. I pulled him aside and secretly told him to play it cool and not to act like a fawning school boy. I told him to mingle with other people and not come off as a drooling puppy. Well, he got the hint, and did just that. He was doing fine, and she was looking perplexed, wondering why he 'ignoring her'. But a very weird thing happened later in the evening, that even I, could not have predicted. The DJ refused to play the music he (Donald ) wanted. (He had paid for the DJ) He, at first tried to talk sensibly to the DJ, but when that failed to yeild results, He went off and told the DJ off about the music. The DJ backed down and hurriedly put on what he wanted. That's when the odd thing occurred. I turned to find Lara looking at him with nothing but PURE ATTRACTION ON HER FACE!! She was flushed, and breathing deeply with hooded eyes. Her lips were half smiling and she was starring at Donald like she had never seen him before! He turned, saw the look on her face and without any coaxing from me, ( the boy learned fast) he beckoned her with a finger. She practically ran to him! He leaned down and said to her in a low voice, "I don't want anymore problems with you, you hear me? -either you wanna be my woman or you don't" She nodded eagerly, and threw her arms around his neck. Even he was shocked at the change, but I think it's obvious that when she saw him as simply 'nice", she equated it with boring, and lacking confidence. Because of this, she could not have been less interested. But when she saw the aggressive, commanding side of him, she couldn't get enough. They are still together by the way, and quite happy. The point is, this is why many women are attracted to bastards. They are commanding, confident, and generally charming. The problem is with bastards is, the host of negative characteristics usually far outweigh the positive. If you want a healthy long lasting love, you must deprogram yourself from the bastards.....