Sunday, June 21, 2009

Are you discriminating against men who don't look like this???

These kinds of gorgeous guys are what many women dream of, but what if he's the simple guy next door...... will he have a chance?
Ladies I hate to disappoint you but most men who look like this already have a woman hiding in the background ready to crack your skull if you get too close. You will find for the most part most husbands look like... well husbands. They don't look like models. A lot of women will not give a man the time of day unless he is rich (or well off) handsome, sexy in perfect shape and over 6ft tall. Then they wonder why they are alone! Ladies I for one am not trying to get you to lower your standards, all I am saying is if he is a good man, it does not (or should not) matter if he does not look like the actor above. Some of the plainest men in this world have a spirit so beautiful you could wake up smiling the rest of your life if you gave them a chance. It is weird to me because I see so many sistas who will take any piece of a brotha. And I do mean ANY piece. (ugly, old, toothless, broke, drunk, broke down, bed wetters, sorry, trifling, even livin with his mama at the age of 40) But if a white man approaches them, he has to be 6ft- plus and look like Gerard butler or be wealthy etc etc etc. Ladies there are millions of men in this world. There is no MAN SHORTAGE! not at all. You can have any kind of man you want, but why exclude all the sweet loving plain men while waiting for someone who looks like this. This is the type you will have to fight off many other women for! Now I am not advising you to ignore gorgeous men or disregard them for relationships. I am merely saying don't discard the plain ones trying to get to the foine ones! The most important thing is that Mr right loves and adores you, provides for his children is reliable, loving, kind, generous and true. Would you date a guy who looks like the man next door? or does he have to look like Viggo? All around me I see men who are really decent guys getting the shaft because they are too short, or too plain or too something equally as shallow. I read a personal ad recently in the newspaper where a woman who admitted to being over 5.6 and 250lbs stated that she wanted a tall, dark, handsome man over 6ft tall with no extra weight on his body!!! Unbelievable! then she was cursing the paper out because no one answered her ad!!! Ladies you tell me is your man really hot or really just around the way looking. and does this make him a better mate? Everyday we see really attractive men get away with all kind of crap. Do you really think black women would have so easily forgiven Clinton if he had not been a very attractive man? Yes or no. Do you think Ted Bundy could have lured so many unsuspecting females to their death if he had not been so handsome? Do you think if Denzel looked like spike lee, his career would be where it is now, and has been for years? Did you know studies show handsome boys are picked first in sports, are far more likely to be adored by teachers, get better grades, and have smoother, far less stressful lives. Give your thoughts on this type of discrimination. Would you date a very ordinary looking guy or must he be some kind of hottie? Are you the same person around a very attractive man as you are around the plainer guys? Case in point. I come from a very attractive family. We have alot of 'pretty' people in my family including the men. When I was new in my college class, I was voted cutest girl, by the guys in the class. From that point on, I had major problems with some of the women in my class. They were cold, hostile and most often rarely spoke to me, except to make snide remarks behind my back. Often I found myself speaking to the backs of most females in the class when I tried to speak to them. After a while the men in the class noticed and found the whole thing hilarious. They told me to ugly down and then the women would speak to me. The truth is many of the girls were already as cute as me, they just didn't know it-if you can read between the lines and understand that statement. Well one day 2 of my male relatives (cousins) came to pick me up. One was my cousin Derek. he was 6.4 dark with light brown eyes and muscular body. The other was cousin Shawn. He was shorter about 6.0 brown skinned, considered very hot and had a very funny, personable personality. The women in the class went wild! Black and white. They bombarded my two cousins so badly, it was shameful and embarrassing. I thought they were going to ask for autographs! When I finally dragged my laughing cousins away, (almost half an hour later) the women actually followed us out to the parking lot! Anyway, from that point on I was every woman's best friend! They could not have been nicer to me after that. All the snide remarks behind my back stopped. All the glaring, etc. They made great efforts to get my opinion on everything after that and could not have been sweeter to me but I knew it was not me they had any real interest in. They were just trying to get to my cousins. I must admit though that it made the class alot more fun..... The point is, many men will make great husbands and fathers and friends if you learn to look beyond the physical, and connect to the person inside. My cousins are both married now, both regularly do things (I won't mention) which make them less than stellar mates, but their wives put up with it, because they're both gorgeous. Now ask yourself, would you rather have a nice looking guy who's true, devoted, and a great father. Or would you rather have the Morris chestnut/Dwayne Johnson/Viggo look alike whom you can't trust or turn your back on for a second. (not saying that's how these men are-they are only expls) Learn to look beyond looks to find his inner beauty, and many of you will be a lot happier.....

8 comments:

Angelina said...

Great points. My husband of 27 years was average by others standards. My mom didn't like him but she didn't have to date him. He is the sweetest man and nothing like my dad at all. He's considerate, loving, hardworking and above all a wonderful father to our daughters. One is 26 years and the other will be 19 years old in a few months. I never trusted "pretty" guys because I knew that they were trouble, lol.
Sure they're beautiful to look at but I'll take substance or shallow.
My mom has obviously changed her tune about my husband and she loves him to death. Sometimes mom doesn't know everything.

Debbie said...

Thank you, Sara. You are, once again, completely right.

You wanna know why I stand behind you 100%? B/c you always tell the truth. You're brilliant. You think critically and clearly and analyze the state of relationships b/t blacks ourselves and whites very well. I really respect your point of view. You're NEVER A HATER. You just tell the truth.

I'm lauding you this way just 'cuz I've been thinking about this whole issue l8ly---when my coworkers saw this guy I was with, they were all like, "Dag, she's with a wg, she could do better. She could have at least got a cute 1" And I've been so ashamed of that l8ly. But I'm not vain!!!! And I don't have to make excuses for a guy who has a spirit so beautiful "I'd wake up smiling". You're right.

BUT au contraire, here's my dissenting opinion: Despite my low-self esteem, I know I'm pretty. (I've even done modeling b4.) I mean...I also feel like, only the plain white guys want us. THUS If I WILL date interracially, he HAS to be exceptional, not just b/c of the whole "brotha" factor, but b/c I DONT WANNA DATE SOMEONE WHO IS NOT IN MY LEAGUE. Then it looks like I'm just trying to "be white". And...not just cuz of what ppl think. B/c I SHOULD DATE MY EQUAL. Ya dig?

Your lil sis,
Debbie

Pamela said...

Cute is nice BUT IT WILL CHANGE OVER TIME more than likely. Considering things that will carry you through hard times is way more important. I guess I have lived long enough to know this. Choose substance that you can live with the rest of your life over looks that will more than likely change in a few years. Hopefully the man you get with (and you BTW) will be health conscious and try to be in shape no matter your age. Even with that it is a rare person that will look at 50 like they did at 20. I am within 15-20 pounds of what I weighed at 25. My body looks very little like it did in those days. LOL

Michael Horvath said...

The first thing I notice in a woman is her face, eyes and smile. Sure I check the rest of her out too but then the MOST IMPORTANT part of her gets checked out - her personality and her values. Who she is as a person is what counts to me.

I am in a loving relationship with a bw now for 3 years. Both of us our in our 40's and neither of us dated outside our race before but we both feel we have found our soulmate. Goes to show that race doesn't matter.

My GF has been trying to get me to model. I don't feel I'm a "pretty boy", but if I go by what women tell me, I am as good looking as any of those guys in the pics. I say that only to make the point that even good looking men can be kind, generous, family oriented men. GF's daughter, now 14 y/o is the second love of my life. I will do anything for them.

I feel uncomfortable even talking about my "looks", my exterior. Because I do have spirit. I am not shallow, and I possess substance. I want to be loved for my heart and for who I am just like anyone else.

Finally I am not promoting my blog but if you want to see what kind of guy is out there check me out at http://hawk052.blogspot.com/ Read about the person I am as a man. Check out my post on rocking Calvin Kleins that has a pic of me. Ladies, there are men with style AND substance out there. Just remember that substance does come FIRST and you will have the man of your dreams.

LaLuneBrune said...

Very nice post, Sara. I try not to go for REALLY attractive men because I know that women will throw themselves at such a guy and I dont want to have to deal with that lol (done it before.... not easy, I tell you). I'd rather go for someone who's above average in goodlooks and has the kind of qualities I seek in a man.... responsible, mature, good-natured, well-mannered, adventurous etc etc etc.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this article! It is right on time for me. Over the past couple of years everyone's blogs have helped me grow past my prejudices. I am now open and have since dated quality guys of all shades :) Before you congratulate me on my progress, I must admit that height has always been an issue for me. I don't desire a super tall guy just a guy who is my height or taller. However, I have met a guy (non-bm) who is a couple of inches shorter than I am. I'm really enjoying his company but have been hesitant to see it through b/c of my own concerns. I appreciate this article for reiterating how I should deal with him and any other potential mate regardless of outside influences. Thanks for putting me back in check!! :)

Anonymous said...

Great points everyone but UGLY OR PLAIN MEN CAN CHEAT TOO!!
Also, I don't think its right that men can be plain but women must be as beautiful as possible?

Lately I've been bumping into the butt ugliest of men who insist on a beautiful woman while being unwilling to remove the crumbs from their own faces so to speak.

You're right it's all about character - not just looks!

lorri said...

I agree:
Great points everyone but UGLY OR PLAIN MEN CAN CHEAT TOO!!

But she is saying to give the kindhearted but plain looking man an opportunity. Also, I think some men take average looking women also.