Should you settle?

There is ALWAYS a man out there who will love you no matter what. This bride is an example of a v-dark woman who found a good man. You are never too ANYTHING to find a good man-dont' settle!

In one word NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I know someone. She's young, very pretty very open to ppl, and very sweet. She is long on kindness but short on common sense. When I say that what I mean is that sometimes ppl are too kind for words and are likely to be taken advantage of. We'll call her Taya. A few years ago she told me that she was seeing some new guy." This brother actually has a job! " She squealed. I was morbidly unimpressed. She had, had her heart broken badly the year previous, by some loser, so I hoped she had learned her lesson. I remember asking her about him, and what she told me did not make me smile. She said that he was a few years older, and that he was a mechanic, and that he made decent money. At this point I looked at her in awe, and said "But you've got one year of law school left! What exactly do you plan to do with a mechanic? " At this point she stormed away and did not speak to me for a few days. When she did, I could tell she was waiting for an apology. But the thing is, I only apologize when I think I'm WRONG! I don't feel I was, so she was NOT going to get that apology. The conversation was strained, so I finally said. Taya, it's your life but you've told me he rarely takes you out, and even then, it's at night to far away places. You've said that he's a mechanic without any back up plan. ALL I can tell you is that men who take you to far away places usually do so because they don't want to be seen. And the reason they don't want to be seen are usually because they either have another woman/wife or they don't think you are worth showing off. And I would not give the time of day to ANY man who had someone else, or did not feel I was worth showing off!"

" But more than that," I continued. "I don't feel that a lawyer and a mechanic have much in common. They usually travel in very different circles and this man will probably end up resenting you when he realizes your income rings circles around his." Well the end result was that she became angry and we didn't speak for a while. She got pregnant with her first baby before finding out that this jerk had a wife and 3 other children. He had warrants for drunk driving, domestic abuse, and numerous other offenses. He actually expected her to stand by him, pay his Attorney fees, (criminal law is not her specialty) and take care of his other family until he got out of jail!!! Anyway, last month she came to me and apologized. She said she doesn't know what she could have been thinking. She said it was like she was brain washed, and had been programmed to give a brotha a chance no matter what. I told her that's exactly what it is. BW ARE brainwashed from the time they are born until they leave this earth the programming goes on and on cradle to grave. She broke down and cried. She said she now has a beautiful little daughter she has to raise by herself, and father is a drug pusher in and out of jail. I reminded her that unlike a lot of single mothers, she is a lawyer, and makes good money so it will not be as hard as many single mothers have it, and she will no doubt meet someone else. Although I was shocked to find out she made less than 70.000! I had always thought lawyers made at least 100.000+. But anyway the point of this is that ALL MEN SHOULD BE VETTED!! I don't care what his color is or what his name is, or what kind of family he comes from. ALL MEN SHOULD BE VETTED!! The second point is Ladies do NOT SETTLE!!

Why do bw think they are the only women who should life up men? You are not here to lift up men! You are here like every one else, to have life, and have it more abundantly. Stop thinking you need to play savior to a man! The plain truth is you should bring something to the table, and SO SHOULD HE! Believe me if you have nothing to offer, he is NOT coming your way regardless of how cute you may be. He'll be checking to see that you have whatever qualities he's interested in looks, personality, shape, money, credit, position, connections, fortune, fame etc. Whatever he is interested in, he'll be checking to see how much of those qualities/attributes you possess. In other words you will be vetted. Why in the world would you EVER allow him to pass through unvetted???

Don't' do it! Your future children are depending on you to pick out a good daddy for them. They cannot choose for themselves. Whatever man you choose to have them by, is the man who will be in their lives forever, so choose carefully. When it comes to IR dating I absolutely DO think you can much more easily find a good non-bm than a good bm. I won't lie about that. BUT, I also feel that just because he's non-blk is no indicator of his worth as a man or mate. What I mean is that although it's easier to find a good non-bm, that does not mean any old non-bm will be a good man. ALL MEN MUST BE VETTED!! And if you are aspiring high, look for a mate who is aspiring high. NEVER DATE OR MARRY LOWER! You have children to think of, it is NOT wrong for a woman to marry up. It's only wrong (and stupid) for her to marry down! I know I'll catch flack, and be called a gold digger but notice how ww seem to know and practice this inherently and also notice, how NO ONE calls them gold diggers. Why do bw always feel the need to settle? You are just as good as any other woman and you deserve the best too. The best men the best schools for your children, the best restaurants, the best clubs and houses. THE BEST OF WHATEVER YOU WANT! Stop feeling the need to settle for men who have little to offer. I am not saying he should be a millionaire. What I am saying is that whatever he does, he should be striving to be the best at it, and GROW. IOWs suppose he is a mechanic, but he's trying to buy his own shop, and is saving and working hard to make that happen. To me that's ambition. And I really like a man with ambition. If I were single, I would never give the time of day to a man who did not have ambition. That should be in the top 10 list because it means he's competitive. A man should be competitive. There are too many competitions in life for him not to be. Black women realize that you will never get that which you do not AIM for. Funny so many women get this when it comes to their career, but not when it comes to men. Stop settling for men who are NOT competitive. There are too many competitive men in this world for that. Have you ever noticed how many bm will get money and suddenly go after ww? I will tell you the stinging truth to why they do that. That's because he sees her as better! In his slave-damaged mind, her whiteness makes her inherently more valuable than you, and he will fight for her, and do all manner of things he would not do for you! Before, he knew he had nothing to offer her, (or bring to the table) . But now with his new found wealth, he knows he has something, and can now compete with other men. This is why Young berg sexed numerous bw of all shades and esp. dark before he became semi famous, and then had the nerve to say he did not do dark butts! after his short lived fame. Most men know he must bring something to the table, it's so odd to me that BM will come will absolutely nothing and still feel like bw should fall all over them. I feel like if he is NOT bringing anything to a woman's table, then why the hell is he there? But too many of you will settle for a man with absolutely nothing to offer (because he's a so-called brother), and deeply regret it, and pay for it for years and years. Nowhere is this more prevalent than in the BC. Where bw will date, sex, marry bm who are druggies, convicts, pedophiles, or just plain unambitious losers who are going nowhere. Ladies, forget about trying to save the po wittle black man and let him save himself. Real men NEVER depend on women to save them. Give them a wide girth, and get yourself together with all the schooling and skills you need to get out of the hood and get a REAL man. Some of yall will hate me for saying this, but there are few real men in the hood. What you have instead are many sorry little pieces of men looking for a woman to take care of them so they can do their damage freely against the women and children of the neighborhood. If you stay in one of these hell holes. Get out as soon as you possibly can! They are dream killers. These places teach women to settle for the bottom of the barrel crusty pieces of humanity, and call them men. Don't settle- you don't need to. You deserve a good ambitious loving husband just like every other woman. But you will never see all the beautiful hunks of delicious husband material around you unless you pull your head out of that garbage can, and look up......

How to use your female Mystique

How do you explain that certain something that draws ppl to you?That makes you seem far more attractive than you actually are. That makes you seem taller, funnier, sexier etc. I know that there have been plenty of times in my life when 'knew' I had it. And other times when I knew for some reason, I just didn't It always seemed that the times I was easily able to project it, were the times I wasn't trying to... I remember once, it caused me to lose a friend.... I remember back in HS. I lost homecoming queen to another girl. I was pretty devastated, and had to go to the bathroom to pull myself together. My best friend at the time was there talking chattily about how I should not be upset because these things happened. She seemed inordinately 'cheerful though' and I remember a funny feeling in my gut. I remember feigning nonchalance and said; "You're right girl. I'm going to forget about it, and go out for Mayday queen!" She seemed taken aback,and stared at me. "Well...." she stammered. "I don't think that's a good idea...Ain't you too devastated?" I shook my head. "I guess not, I kinda had the feeling she would beat me, but I believe I'll win Mayday queen. She could not believe my confidence, and seemed almost shaken. I swore her to secrecy, and then watched amazed as person after person asked me when I had decided to run for Mayday Queen. She had clearly told everyone! Thanks to her big mouth, everyone knew I was running before I even put up posters, and as a result, I easily won. I was happy to win, but very uncomfortable with the fact that she had told everyone AFTER I asked her to keep it a secret. I began to keep a closer eye on her, and noticed that she constantly eyed my boyfriend like he was candy. The weird thing was, SHE was the one who had gotten us together, and begged me to go out with him. But watching her around him, it became patently clear she wanted him for herself. I waited for her to make her move, and soon she did. One day in chemistry she told me (in front of everyone) that she had told Tony I didn't care about him, and had only gone out with him because she begged me to. She went on to say that she was tired of watching me think I was 'all that' because SOME ppl thought I was pretty, and she was tired of me using people. When I asked her to name someone I had used, she spit Tony's name out, and told me she was tired of me thinking everything was about me and that Tony deserved better. I looked at her closely for a moment. Then I calmly said; "S--- I was waiting for your true colors to emerge-how long have you been in love with him? She stood there with her mouth open, blinking at me, trying to force her head to swing in denial, but it didn't work. Everyone in the class stared, and made comments about how jealous she must be to go tell MY boyfriend all this BS about me using him. She started screaming about how she'd have made a much better gf to Tony, than me, and how I was just getting by on my looks. ( She had always rated my looks alot higher than her own) She stormed off crying, and never spoke to me again. The stupid thing was, had she told me from the start she liked him, I would have helped her get him. She pushed me toward him over and over merely because SHE DID NOT HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO GO AFTER HIM HERSELF!' It didn't work at all, and her open display only served to lower her status in his sights, while simutaneously pushing me up even higher on my pedestal. And when he heard through the grapevine that she was crying because she was so jealous of me, the attraction that he, and many other boys in school had for me, went through the roof! Ladies know that anytime you show jealousy for another female, you are elevating her, and debasing yourself. Never show jealousy, it always makes you look weak and second best. If someone is so attractive it's bothering you, acknowledge her and move on-never dwell. Always know that you are just as good as anyone else, and that you have unique qualities that belong ONLY to you, and you have NO reason to be jealous of anyone else. I used my life exp. because for years I was popular without knowing why, and I knew that sometimes I would project something that ppl seemed to find irrisistable but I had no idea how I was doing it, or how to control it. After studying it in and out of college, I have a much better grasp on what it is, and how to control it..... The REAL secret to creating mystique is to proudly wear whatever you are, like a badge of honor. For exp. When I was in this HS, we had just gotten back from Hawaii, and I had a very proper dialect (from years of training at my grandmother's insistence) She abhorred colloquial speech patterns, as she called them, and spent years instilling in me the need to enunciate every word. As a result, I had, and still have a very proper sounding voice. I also came up in a family that thought dark skin was gorgeous, and since I'm dark this worked in my favor, and I had/have an absolute love for my dark brown skin. Plus, my daddy always told me I was as gorgeous as a movie star, and I 'knew' he meant it. And even though I knew it was just his love talking, it was still a confidence booster. When I arrived at this school (junior year) the kids were so fascinated by me, that many times ppl were following me down the hall. See I was dark, yet considered very-pretty, I was quiet, yet lively. I was proper speaking, and unashamed of it. I was in a word 'DIFFERENT!'. And different = mystique! I'll tell you a little secret. Whatever you are constantly thinking is being conveyed to the ppl around you! It's very difficult to hide your personality for long because it comes out in everything you do, so the first rule of mystique is to think you are SPECIAL! I don't care what you look like, or where you are from-there is something special about you! Don't let anyone tell you there's not. Play up your talents, gifts, and potentials. The simple trick is to REVEL in whatever makes you, you. Being really good at almost anything will surround you with MYSTIQUE! PPl are always fascinated by ppl who are really good at something. If you've ever watched the Closer, with Kera Sedwick (sp?) I'm sure you've seen how although she's got some wrinkles, and her overly white skin direly needs a tan, she 'KNOWS' she's really good at her job. And this confidence spills over into every other part of her life. Watch closely, and you will see that she struts when she walks! I can tell she's thinking; "I'm one hot mama!" And it never seems to take the men in her life long to agree with her. See, this is why it is SOOOOOO important to have high self-esteem. Because the world will begin to agree with you! Most ppl will see you the way you see yourself. This is almost always a double-edged sword. If you are too tall, think of all the women who would love to have your height, and consider yourself a long-legged beauty. If you're too short, Think of all the lovely short women, Janet Jackson, little Kim etc, who make short, adorable, and think of yourself this way. If you hate some part of your body, either change it, or change the way you think of it! Be dark and lovely instead of 'too dark'. Be a dazzling red head instead of a fake red head. Be voluptuous instead of too hippy. Be sassy instead of argumentative. Be adorable instead of diffident. Be passionate instead of unruly. Be zealous instead of hard headed. I think you get the picture. It's more in how you think of yourself than almost anything else. It's odd to me that other women seem to inherently know this, but bw don't. BW seem unable to appreciate themselves unless they look like beyonce. (and how many of us look like that?) Yet a ww can look like Barbara Striesand and still be considered beautiful. Why? Because there are many forms of beauty! Babs IS beautiful! Think about it. She's multi-talented, inspiring, rich, well known, engaging, and interesting! These are all different forms of beauty in a woman. What are some of your forms? Let me give you another exp. I was watching a court show (old rerun-Judge Wapner) one day. I saw a dark skinned well dressed woman come into the court. She was med- height yet she looked much taller because she carried herself like a queen. When I first saw her, I thought she looked average (at first). But as I watched her walk up to the podium with such a regal air, and so well dressed, I found she looked more and more attractive. She almost seemed to wearing an invisible tattoo that said DARK GODDESS! Out of the blue, my male cousin, who was sitting next to me, murmured "Look at that GODDESS!" I was amazed because that was the word that had come to my mind as well! The (wm) judge (Wapner) seemed to share his reaction. His eyes widened, as he sat up to 'drink her in', and he could barely seem to look away from her to address the plaintiffs. It appeared she was suing a dry cleaner because they had ruined some of her very expensive clothing. The dry cleaner maintained that their liability was capped at 25.00 per item, and that they had no intentions of paying 1000.00 for her clothing. The woman spoke very eloquently, and held her head high and proud. She informed Judge Wapner that she should be compensated for the full amount of the clothing, and that it was distressing to her that the cleaners would not take responsibility for their actions. I was stunned as I watched Judge Wapner come to her defense. He all but screamed at the poor dry cleaner, about how dare him try to cheat "this beautiful, elegant, mesmerizing woman!" He went on about how anyone could see she wore very high end clothing, and she could not be expected to settle for a paltry 25.00! He tore into the poor cleaning man angrily, as the audience looked on in stunned surprise. Even they could see his open attraction for this woman and his inability to remain impartial. He even apologized to the woman for her having to leave her high powered job to be there that day, and told her that someone so beautiful shouldn't have to deal with such nuisances! The cleaner put his head down and sighed. He knew he had lost to the power of female mystique. She, of course got her award and walked happily away with Judge Wapner's eyes still following her every move... Whatever this power is, this woman had it in droves. I remember how uncomfortable the ww seemed. They seemed to grow more shocked and upset as the men talked outside about how the Judge had been so taken with her grace and beauty, he had seemed mesmerized. Ladies, this is the power of the female mystique. This woman only became 'so beautiful' after everyone saw her graceful carriage, her confidence, her lovely tone of voice, her class etc. These things transformed her before everyone's eyes. You can utilize this same power-It's all in your mind.........

Answer

Hi Everybody. Clarice you were right. She was visual, and he was a feelings person. We will just go over the feelings personality for right now... Kinestestic (feelings ) men are usually very warm, and loving people. They respond to their world through their feelings. They make great friends as well as lovers because they are very concerned about your feelings, and are the warmest men you can find. They will dress for comfort rather than style. They will love the feel of things including skin, material, textures etc. They get hurt very easily because their feelings are always close to the surface. This is the man to tell an old hurtful secret to. He will be in his element trying to comfort you and give you solace. They often look down alot because the eyes travel down and to the R or L to access our feelings about something. Try this: Ask a friend what her room looks like. Watch her look up, and either to the left or right. (visual future, and visual past) you'll be able to tell what she is thinking by checking for a pattern. Now ask her how being in that room made her feel as a child, and watch her eyes dip down and go to the right or left. You'll be able to determine which is the past or future for her by watching closely. This is why you will often see emotional people with their heads downcast. They are in feelings mode and usually keeping themselves locked in a past memory. Back to your man. Tread on his feelings lightly. His words will ALWAYS give him away if you listen closely. Instead of saying "She's being a b*tch!" He'll say something like "she runs hot and cold!" or "She's just cold as hell, and I can't be bothered" He will constantly make remarks about feelings, textures, senses. For instance. I remember watching a friend argue with her boyfriend. She kept saying "Don't you see how stupid it is for you to wear that shirt?" How can it not be clear how silly you'll look in it. Everyone's gonna laugh at you!" She was really upset because he did not seem to care one bit. He responded to her; "I don't care what people say, I want to be comfortable, and this shirt is like an old friend, warm, comfortable, and well-worn. I feel like you're not listening to me. I'm telling you what I want, and you don't care. You're cold as hell, and only think about yourself!" Things were getting heated, and I decided to talk to her. After I coached her for a few minutes, she went back to him, and said: "Honey, you're right I understand how you feel about the shirt, but it makes me really uncomfortable to know that ppl are saying stuff about you. Why don't we save the shirt for quiet times at home, and wear something a little more formal tonight. I'd really appreciate it, and seeing you all dressed up makes me want to wrap my arms around you and never let go!" He fell for it immediately. All the sudden he 'saw' her side of it. Many times that's all it takes to really understand where your man is coming from. Thank y'all for tuning in-see you next post........

A heart stopping date......

Read about this first date between Tony, an Ad executive, and a young lady who works in his small firm. See if you can guage his love language, and what clues have brought you to that conclusion..... Find the clues and guess the love language of these two people........ Tony leaned back in his new car savoring the feel of his Lexus as it hugged the road. Man nothing felt like a Lexus! He thought ruefully. He was so excited he had to keep himself from bouncing in the seat. He was going to pick up the hot girl from his office, he had been wanting to date for two years! Oh Man! -the heavens have smiled upon me! He thought. He smiled at a young mother as she picked up a screaming baby. He could sense her love for the child, but he could also sense her exasperation. He waited for her to pass the intersection and headed on his way, forcing himself not to speed. He couldn't wait to get to Taya. She had started with the Ad agency he and his brother partnered about three years ago. He'd had a crush, that had evolved into something much stronger a long time ago. His brother thought it was hilarious that he had never had the balls to ask her out, but she had never given any sign that she might have even considered it. He'd dreamed of her too many times to count. Taya! He said her name slowly to himself. Her whole name was Lataya, but he never called people by their whole names. That was way too formal. He pulled up to her block, noting how the neighbors stared curiously at him. Some of them looked downright cold. They didn't seem to be too crazy about white people judging by the cold looks. He smiled at them anyway. Nothing could dampen his mood today! He had a date with his dream girl. He had barely gotten the car parked when a younger version of his dream girl accosted him. Obviously she was the little sister. She handed her bike to another girl, and came forward to inspect him. "So you're the white boy from work huh" " The name's Tony," he answered a little irritated. Who the hell wanted to be referred to as the 'white boy'? The little girl who must have been about 12 seemed unfazed by his bristled answer. She continued to survey him. "Did you bring her flowers? " She asked nosily. He nodded. "Good," she smiled. " Taya thinks she's such a much, and she always expects flowers" The sound of the door opening interrupted their conversation, as Lataya came emerged, followed by her brother, and an older version of her, obviously her mother. Her mother smiled warmly, and he relaxed. Lataya was wearing a mid length white dress that shone against her dark cinnamon colored skin. Her dark hair hung like black silk around her shoulders in ringlets and curls. He felt his pulse quicken, and his breath come up slightly short. She was too beautiful for an ordinary man like him. He felt awed, and unsure. She moved toward him like a floating goddess, and glanced at his car, noting the roses on the front seat. Then she slowly let her eyes drift over him the same way her little sister had, like he was under inspection. He had spent a fortune on this suit, and he could sense the warmth come into her face as she met his eyes. He'd passed- She was smiling! His heart took a leap, as she gave him a brief hug and allowed him to lead her to the car. Her brother never said a word, but he didn't have to. Tony could feel his disapproval, but so what- he had Taya! She hugged her mom, and assured her they wouldn't be too late as she slid past the door he held for her. They cruised up the coast with her admiring the scenery, and him struggling to keep his mind on his driving, and not on her. His heart was beating a mile a minute, and he felt light headed. He had secretly been in love with her for ages, when his friend Kim, offered to arrange this date, he'd thought she was joking. But dreams come true, because here they were. The smell of her perfume, and the softness of her skin were making his thoughts go crazy. Thank God, she couldn't read his mind. "Nice car." She smiled breaking the tension. "What made you choose a Lexus?" He answered without hesitating. "Oh man, can't you feel the way it hugs the road! Nothing else feels like it! She looked surprised. "Really, I would have picked it because of all the gadgets and doodles-it all looks so cool and classy" "Yeah, just like you" he laughed. "Cool and classy." She laughed too. "I guess that does describe me, doesn't it. " She moved closer, and boldly slid her hands inside his suit and over his chest, toward his left nipple. She let her fingers twirl around nearly driving him crazy. His heart skidded to a stop, then began to beat wildly. She felt the hard thump, thump of it, and glanced knowingly at him before withdrawing her small hand, and laughing. He suddenly felt the same irritation for her that he'd felt earlier toward her nosy little sister. He pulled into a parking place, and turned to turned to her. "What the hell was that? " He demanded. She threw her head back and laughed. "I just wanted to see if I was affecting you! She feigned innocently. "You know good and damn well you affect me." He struggled to keep the humilation and anger from showing on his face. She was really good at reading faces. "If we had been on the highway, you would've caused me to run into someone. His face was red with embarrassment, and slight bitterness. He suddenly knew that she knew how he felt about her, and it felt almost mocking for her to play with him that way. What gave her the right to play with someone's feelings like that just because she was beautiful, and knew he loved her? What was next, did she plan to reach down and play with his dick then laugh when she found it was hard? She saw the anger on his face, and suddenly became contrite. "I'm sorry, sometimes I'm too bold. I just wanted to know if your heart was beating as hard as mine I shouldn't have-" "You?" he interrupted, hardly daring to believe her. "You're heart was beating fast?" "Yes." she answered softly. She grasped his hand, and pulled it slowly up her body until it rested over her left breast! He could feel the hardness of her nipple through the thin bra material. "Can you feel it? " she asked softly. Oh my God! He thought wildly. His body went into system overload, and the blood roared to his head! He wondered briefly where the hell he was supposed to find the strength to make it that restaurant door? Even in his wildest dreams-touching her hadn't been that fantastic! He staggered from the car, and bent over struggling to breathe. Two women passing toward the door looked at him with concern. "Are you alright Sir?" One called to him. Taya quickly came to him, and gave him a small brown bag to breathe into. "He's ok" She tried to wave the two women away, but their looks now turned from concern to disdain, seeing this black girl with a tall, dark and handsome obviously well-off white man. "Ok," Taya whispered in his ear. "I had no idea I affected you that much! " Tony threw his head back and laughed. "What gave me away? The hyperventilating, or the near faint?" She giggled. "Oh, I think it was probably when you grabbed your chest, like a man having a heart attack, and whispered Oh dear God!" He reached out, and pulled her into his arms. She went willingly, and lifted her head as he kissed her, long and slowly. Neither one of them could stop smiling. "This is the best date of my life. " He murmured. "But wait until I tell your mama, you let me feel you up in the car-Woo-Wee!" Taya punched him. "You better not, you jerk!" She laughed. "Some things better stay between the two of us." Tony sighed as they made their way to the door. "Oh all right, but what about our grand kids- is is ok to tell them?" Taya chuckled and nodded. "Oh ok, If you must tell someone, you can tell our grand kids, I have a feeling they'll be more open minded than my mama!" He wrapped his arms protectively around her as they walked smilingly past the scowling women. Nothing could ruin this night, he was holding onto his dream girl. The one he had waited two years to date, he had no intentions of wasting anymore time........" Although you have few clues about Taya, see if you can guess her love language, along with Tony's........... What clued you into their languages? -answer in 2 days....

What you have on the AVERAGE ww.....

Even if you're not half as beautiful as Naomi, you still have something the AVERAGE ww does not-guess what it is.....

What you have over the average White Woman.....

It's actually something that pretty glaringly obvious.

Yet so few women realize it. Especially few bw. I think we have all noticed how spoiled and self absorbed many ww are. WM seem to be figuring this out as well. Allow me to give you a couple of examples:

1. One of my favorite cousins was married to a ww. (That's all he's dated- I know, typical bm) Anyway, he had a very good job, and the marriage started off fine. Before long, she gave birth to a baby boy. Even after she recovered from the birth, she refused to do a lick of housework or to wash baby bottles. She kept throwing them away and forcing my silly cousin to buy more because she said, and I quote: "White women don't do menial labor!" Keep in mind now, that she hailed from a local trailer park. She also insisted on not working, not doing laundry, and laying around the house in her bed clothes. My cousin grew more and more frustrated, yet chose to do nothing, aside from complaining to us. She also insisted on a weekly 'paycheck' for all her services! (go figure on that) He gave it to her to keep her happy, and she spent money like it was going out of style. He was getting regular promotions, and aside from her spontaneous demands for money, they seemed fairly happy. Well then the bubble burst. The economy shifted and like many people, he found his job to be in jeopardy. He asked her to go out and work in case he should lose his job. She flatly refused. He asked her to cut back for fear that they would direly need the money she was squandering on clothes and jewelry. She refused this request as well. She went on spending like there was no tomorrow until he got his pink slip. Except for the money he had managed to hide from her, they were broke. The checking/savings had been long emptied due to her compulsive spending, and they were over leveraged in many ways. This is when she began to show her true colors. She demanded that my cousin find work that would not 'embarrass her' and that he bring in the same abundant paychecks, he had brought home before. Of course with the economy in such a down turn, he was unable to do this. He did get 2 new jobs, but even together they did not match what he had previously made (8 k per month) She was horrified that they not only lacked the pay, but also the prestige of his previous employment. She promptly packed her bags and walked out, leaving him to take care of their child alone. He actually confessed to me that it was a relief to see her go. He said all she cared about was money, and that she had been spending apr. 5k per month on absolutely nothing, while he had to pay bills with the other 3. Within three months of her leaving, his bills are paid, and he has money in the bank. She called last week and said that she had thought about it, and decided to give him another chance. He told her to 'stay gone'....

I was talking with a ww acquaintance I know, (we'll call her lisa) when she casually mentioned that she had recently divorced her husband. She was so casual about it, I looked at her in shock. She laughed at the look on my face and told me that he had found out about a tryst she'd had with a bm, and had called an attorney. She said that she therefore had been forced to divorce him first so she could sue for alimony and child support. She then went on to brag about how she'd racked him over the coals in court by crying before the judge. She giggled as she described the horrified look on his face when he was forced to pay 1800 per month in child support(2 children) and 2000 per month in spousal support. She also got to keep their 8 year old ranch house, and one of their two vehicles. He has to pay all medical/dental expenses, and even carry the house insurance! I was shocked and horrified. She laughed as she told me how her lawyer had kept the info about the bm from being brought out in court with a: 'motion to suppress' and that the judge saw only an attractive ww, and was on her side from the intro. The expenses ended costing her hubby 3/4 of his income! I didn't even know that was legal! By the time she got to this part of the story 2 other ww, and 1 black had gathered near us to listen. The other ww all nodded approvingly and laughed with her. They said that she should not have to struggle, and she did the right thing. One even asked her attorney's name, and number. The other bw there looked as appalled as me. She asked how her ex husband was supposed to live on 1/4 of his income. To which Lisa snapped, "That's not my problem now is it?"

The other ww rushed to defend her. "She just can't be expected to live on nothing -now can she?" One asked. "No." I answered quickly. "And neither can he! "

The other bw shook her head as they hurried away. "They really think they're princesses and the world is their fairy tale. ' She murmured.

What's the point? The point is these are common scenarios for ww. Many ww lack loyalty in a relationship. What right did she have to accept spousal support from a man she cheated on? Yet this is common for them to get it. Now I am not implying all ww are like this. What I am saying is that many are. They have become so spoiled they don't know how to ride out the hard times, or stand by their man when he is having problems etc. They are also the most likely of all women to go to court and 'cry' to get their way. What you have on ww is simple. Many ww think only of themselves, and are quite vain, and shallow. Many will leave a relationship at the first inkling of hard times. So in answer to the question, what do you have on ww. The answer is LOYALTY!

As bw, we are nothing if not loyal, and that character trait precedes us. The next time you are wondering what you have on ww, remember this...........

The girls of Hollingsworth

Selena rolled over just as the alarm went off. Damn, I just got to sleep! she sighed. She starred angrily at the alarm for a minute before punching it, to make it stop whining. She sat up and glanced at herself in the large antique mirror that hung over her dresser. She looked nothing like a pretty teenager in the morning. In fact, she looked like hell right now. Dragging her tired body from bed, Selena made her way down the hall toward the bathroom. Her mom grace was just coming out. She took one look at Selena and laughed out loud. "You look like an old woman in the morning, instead of a young girl!" She giggled again, then quickly stifled it as Selena glared at her. "Oh honey, come on- mornings aren't that bad! Besides, don't you pick the new cheerleaders today?" At the mention of cheer leading practice Selena suddenly snapped to life. She as Co-caption would get to help Melody the team captain, pick 4 new cheerleaders. She absolutely loved cheer leading, but she loved making those girls squirm and beg to get on the team even more. To Selena power was the world's greatest resource. She fairly flew into the bathroom to get ready. "Don't wait up for me mom, we'll probably go to the diner after the picks to get something to eat" she called behind her. Grace Thomas made a face. "Selena," she called through the door. "Your father is not going to like that! You know he likes us all to eat as a family!" On the other side of the door, Selena started the shower, and ignored her. Everyone in the family, including her brother David, her sister Megan, and her father Joe, all catered to her. Everyone treated her like she was the star. And as far as she was concerned, that was the way it should be. She took a super fast shower and then headed toward her room. Just then, Megan rounded the corner. "Sis, can I catch a ride with you to school?" She seemed to be holding her breath, as she stared up at her big sister. Megan was tall like Selena, and had their mother's carefree good looks (like Selena), but she was on the shy side and rather quiet. Selena shook her head at her. "Not today Megan, I've got to get there early- Isn't your friend Tamekia coming for you? "She grimaced even saying the name, she hated anything that reeked of Ghetto-and that name screamed Ghetto. "Um...it's Tameka, Selena. She's not going today, she has a dental appointment-so I guess I'll have to take the bus" She looked forlornly at her big sister, as she moved into the bathroom. Selena shrugged, and started on her way, but as she turned, she ran smack into her father, and he was not smiling. In fact he looked pissed. "Selena, if you think for one minute that I'm going to spend my hard earned money buying you girls a car that you commandeer for yourself, you have another thing coming! If Megan cannot ride with you, then she'll take the car and you'll get there however you can!" Selena stared at him in shock. "But daddy, I've got to get there early so I can-" He held up his big black hand and cut her off. "I don't give a damn Selena! " I'm tired of you wrapping this family around your finger and making fools of us all! Either you wait for her, or she takes the car! -And here's a thought. If you don't like it, get a job and buy one for yourself-or get that dumb-ass boy to buy you one! Selena felt tears sting her eyes. It was not fair! But by the set of her father's face, she knew he was not going to change his mind. He strode roughly away from her, and headed downstairs. It was obvious he was angry about alot more than the car, but she could not worry about it right now. Megan peeked out meekly at her. Of course she'd heard everything. "Hurry up and meet me downstairs or I'll leave you! " Selena snapped at her. But Megan met her eyes, and for once didn't seem intimidated. "I'll be ready by 8, and I suspect you'll be there waiting." She said evenly. She slammed the door, as Selena tried to punch her. What the hell was wrong with her family today? Everyone was suddenly treating her like she was common! She flounced angrily away and stormed off to finish getting ready for school. Suddenly, even the thought of harassing the junior girls at squad practice didn't get her as excited as it should have... At practice, Selena took her place next to Melody to watch the new girls work their butts off trying to get one of the coveted 4 spots. Her boyfriend Mike, and 4 of his friend hung in the back watching the girls get ready to compete. Dammit! Selena thought to herself. I told that fool not to bring his dumb friends to watch the girls. The faculty was complaining about the girls being exploited. Something stupid about the guys looking-and making remarks about their behinds or something. It's all so stupid-but never the less they didn't need the hassle. She sighed. The school seemed to be on a no sexual harassment tip, but Isn't that what guys did- look at girls butts? She moved over as Heather, and Angel took seats beside her . Angel flung her long blond hair and looked around. "Where's Cami? " she asked, breezily. Selena shrugged. Heather leaned back and looked at Selena. Her dark skin was smooth and tight. Selena looked at them, and stifled a laugh. They looked like double fudge and triple vanilla. They were both tall and very attractive but Heather was very dark with short curly hair, and Angel was very fair, and blond. They had been friends since they were little and were very close-almost like sisters. And to have one angry at you, was to deal with them both. The funniest part though was that Angel was 3 times more aggressive than Heather, and was far more hood. Heather in fact was on the quiet side, and the only time she'd seen Heather get aggressive, was when someone messed with Angel. They had lived in Hollingsworth all their lives, just like Selena. It was a pretty little town in West Cali, and considered quite creme de la creme. It had an Ethnic Majority of well off Black and Spanish people with a sprinkling of white/other. Most of the kids had known each other for years, and did not take kindly to outsiders. "What do you think of that one?" Selena pointed out a tall red headed girl with an amazing back flip. Melody shook her permed hair. "No, not the white girl! " she snapped. "We already have 2 or 3 of them!" Angel and Heather both turned to glare at her. "What the hell is this-tokenism?" Angel snapped at her. "If she's one of the best, she's going to make the team, and I dare anyone to tell me different!" Her mouth was set in a hard line as she glared at Melody. She was leaning forward as if daring Melody to say more. Selena leaned forward, and looked at Heather. Sure enough, Heather's body almost perfectly mirrored Angel's and her mouth was set in a hard line too, as she too, glared at Melody. Selena stifled a laugh. Those two cracked her up! Melody shrugged. She wasn't in the mood to take on Angel or her attack dog, as she secretly called Heather. So she turned and continued to watch the cheering girls vie for her attention. Selena studied Melody. Melody hated alot of stuff -especially Angel. She really didn't seem too crazy about non-black people at all except Cami. (who was Hispanic.) But everyone loved Cami. Melody seemed to tolerate people rather than actually like them. Selena wasn't even sure she liked her, although she said she did. She also didn't seem to like black people who had no money or who did not drive nice cars and who could not speak perfect English and on and on... Melody had a whole list of reasons to hate people and a very small list to like them. Selena had to laugh to herself. And to think people thought she was a bitch! They had not met Melody! Just then, Camilla came through the gym doors and motioned the sitting girls to get up. They happily complied. She made her way up the bleachers, and joined the group to watch the performances. "You're late. " Selena told her. "Yeah, sorry- I had to get help with my math or I'm gonna fail" Camilla turned back to the show. "Who's the white boy?" she asked suddenly, pointing across the gym. Selena followed her finger. Laughing with Mike and the guys was a white boy she had never seen before. He stood about 6.2, had dark hair, and athletic build and what looked like a dark patch creeping beneath the sleeve of his gym shirt. But as he drew closer, she saw it was part of a hidden tattoo on one of his muscled biceps. Cami drew in a sharp breath. "I lika trade my man fo hem!" she exclaimed. they laughed. Cami's accent always peeked through when she got excited. But Selena could not help staring herself. He was fine! Even Melody was looking, and this caused Heather and Angel to look at each other and burst out laughing. To see Melody looking at a white boy was too funny! Coach Manning glared at them, and blew her whistle-hard. "Girls, I realize the young men are a major attraction, but do you think you could help me choose the new cheerleaders before game time!" They turned back sheepishly and tried to concentrate on the new picks. The two girls who really stood out were the red headed white girl, Selena had pointed out earlier, and her friend. A pretty brown haired black girl with a big chest. She seemed rather shy, but on the floor she was dynamite and she knew it. She and the red headed girl dominated the competition and then then moved off together, to let the next pair try out. They moved confidently off toward the bottom of the bleachers. Selena stared at them. She knew the black one from 'somewhere'-but she couldn't remember where. They seemed quite aware that everyone was whispering excitedly about them, as they took their seats. Coach manning happily put their names on the definite side of her roster. "Wait a minute!" Melody exclaimed, as she realized what she was doing. " We didn't vote them in!" Coach Manning turned to her. "Why would they not be in Melody? They're the best I've seen in ages, and they can do all the flips effortlessly!" Melody pursed her lips and looked at the rest of them for back up. "I don't like them! " she announced, angrily. "They look ridiculous! The white girl is too... well.. too white! And the black one well lets face it, her titties are too big-she's going to make the uniform look ridiculous!" Angel faced her angrily. "I am soooo sick of your racism Melody! What the hell does that mean she's too white? You're too bitchy but you made the team!" Heather nodded in agreement behind her. "And what's wrong with big boobs? " Camilla asked, looking down at her own well-endowed chest. My uniform fits just fine!" Coach Manning held up her hand, and looked pointedly at Melody. "Get over yourself fast Mel,-or you'll find your own spot in jeopardy. I have already chosen those two. You girls can argue amongst yourselves about the other two. But Samantha and Madison are on the team-now have a good night, because I'm leaving." "You can't leave! " Selena burst out. "I don't want those two either! I don't like that Madison-she thinks she so cute!" She'd just remembered where she'd seen Madison. It was at the summer club and Madison, had been with a really cute white boy. And when Selena had glanced at him, she had grabbed him close like she was going to steal him! She had not known her name then, only that she did not like her. "Tough!" coach Manning yelled behind her as she made her way toward the door. "I said they're on the team- now deal with it!" With that, she was gone, leaving the girls to fight it out amongst themselves. Selena glanced down at Madison and Samantha. They both had smug looks on their faces. Although they were too far away to hear the words, they seemed to know instinctively the argument was about them, and that they had won.... 2 hours later, at They arrived at Teen Steam, the local hang out. Cami couldn't be there. She had to get home, but the rest of the group made it, although both Selena and Melody were not in the best mood. Selena slid angrily into the booth beside Mike. "She said we could pick them and then she picks them" Selena burst out. Melody waved it away. "Let it go Sel, nothing we can do about it." She accepted a hug from her boyfriend Keith then glared off in space. "Well, I think they'll be a good addition" Heather shrugged. "Me too, and the other two are good too, so we should have a good team this year" Angel agreed. "You would feel that way," Melody looked her up and down. "Everybody knows white people stick together!" she moved behind her boyfriend in case Angel got violent. "They do not!" Angel shot back at her. "Cool people stick with cool people, so I don't know why we bother with you!" "Yeah!" Heather echoed, nodding in agreement as usual. "And we're sick of you Melody, I'll just say what everyone is thinking: You're a bitch!" Melody gasped and choked on her coke. "You.. you can't talk to me like that Heather!" She turned to her boyfriend. "Tell her about herself Keith!" Keith looked like a salmon caught in a trap. "Oh look, here comes Banks!" He said quickly. The same handsome white boy from the gym was walking toward them. He was handsome across the room, but breathtaking up close with a shock of dark hair and sea green eyes. Selena drew in her breath so sharply, Mike cast her a weird glance. Even Melody forgot how angry she was and stared in fastination. The boys stood up and slapped hands with him. Mike turned to Selena. John man, this is my girl Selena. Selena meet John Michael Banks" Yes, his father is the one who owns Banks and Banks, the investment firm. A few years from now, my man'll be taking the lead!" He slapped John on the back, smiling. Selena was so impressed she had to force herself to act normal. The one thing she loved and respected was money! And this guy smelled of it! She smiled warmly as he shook her hand. He was polite, but seemed distracted -and not by her. Selena fought the irritation creeping into her face as his eyes scanned the room for someone. "Nice to meet you, didn't y'all put my girl through today?" "Who's your girl? Angel asked. Glancing at Selena with an amused look on her face. She had seen the clear attraction on Selena's face, the moment Mike mentioned who John was. Selena's just like Melody. She thought to herself. A gold digging tramp who'd cut her mother's throat to get what she wants! "Madison Williams. John answered proudly. Keith looked confused. "Madison, the cute black girl that's built like a brick house? .... " He held his hands in front of his shirt to signify large breasts. John chuckled. "Yeah, that's her. She was scared to death she wouldn't make it because girls sometimes get so jealous of her" Melody snorted rudely, then cough-laughed to cover it up. jealous of what? she wondered. Those ridiculously large cow utters! She glanced at Selena who was hiding behind her napkin, to cover her malicious laughter. He paused and looked at them closely. "I promised her y'all wouldn't treat her like that, and she'd get a fair shot. Thanks for giving it to her, it means a lot to us" He seemed confused by their amusement, but he didn't say anything more. He simply turned and strode away. Selena took a bite of her french fry and tried to swallow the feelings of anger churning in her stomach. She watched John head from the counter with two plates and toward a table in the back corner. Madison waited for him at the table. Her brown hair was freshly washed and brushed into a pony tail, and her make up free face was brown and pretty. She smiled as John slid into the booth beside her. He kissed her cheek, and pulled her close. They looked so happy! Suddenly, Selena lost her appetite. Mike gave her a quizzical look. "Honey what's wrong?" "I'm not hungry-that's what's wrong! " she snapped at him, looking over his wide shoulder to where Madison sat happily eating, while John nuzzled her neck and whispered softly in her ear. Melody looked over at them, then back at Selena. She didn't seem upset at all, in fact she seemed... well, calculating, like she had a plan. She smiled crytically at Selena, and sipped her coke. Selena knew what Melody was thinking. Mel hated anything too perfect, or anyone too happy. She knew without asking, Mel would help her break them up. Melody looked at her, as if reading her mind, and nodded. Mel loved to cause trouble. She would do it just for fun, but Selena had something much more important in mind-and his name was John. She watched as he laughed softly at something the cow-titted girl was saying. His green eyes met Selena's for a second, and her heart began to flutter. Suddenly she could not wait to get Corny Madison out of the way. She'd never had white chocolate before, but suddenly she could not wait to try it! ....... Will Selena and Melody be able to get rid of Madison and throw her off the team? Will Selena be able to take what she REALLY wants? Find out in our next chapter of The girls of Hollingsworth.....

Starter tips for meeting Mr. Right....

Finding him.... Alot of women say they want to find someone, but do they really? Sometimes women think they want a man, but they really just want the man in their imagination and not a real, living breathing flawed human man. Ladies, just like you, he will not be perfect. He may be too short or too small in stature or too plain or too whatever. But please look around you and really see the husbands and notice not too many of them look like Brad Pitt. Most guys who are husband material will not be that fine, but then if you had a Brad Pitt, think about it. There maybe several Angelina Joli's waiting to steal him, and who can compete with her! lol. I am not saying super handsome men cannot be good, and faithful and all that. I am just saying, if you want a man, try to focus on his inner qualities instead of the external-because those are the ones that really matter. Now having said that, lets move on to attraction. You must learn to use your green light. Alot of sistas are VERY familiar with the red light when it comes to non-blk men, but almost seem to forget how to use the green light. They don't remember how to flirt in a light and carefree way or how to let a man know they are interested without sending out desperate signals and the like. The simple truth is that: Men are afraid of rejection just like you. Know that he is 3x more likely to approach a smiling plain woman then he is to approach a mean faced Beyonce. Here are some of the things you can do get his attention, in the beginning. 1 Be as attractive as you can be. Few of us can be Beyonce or Angelina, but with cleanliness, make up and in reasonable shape-most of us can easily be pretty. 2. Really look at him, like you are trying to see inside his eye. Then ever so slowly smile and look gently away. When you turn back, if he is looking or turning red-that's a definite green light for YOU! In other words, he's interested.... 3. Ask questions to get the ball rolling. Small talk is an important part of a new relationship. Ask him about himself and really want to know. 4. Laugh at his jokes. Men love to play the clown especially if they have a captive audience. If his jokes are stupid, laugh at the stupidity of them 5. Emphasize the similarities: Don't talk visual to a feelings man and vice versa. that's right I owe you guys the hearing and feeling man don't I.? Sorry, I forgot, but I will make time next week to do them both-then you'll know what I'm talking about.... 6. Be friendly, open and sweet but never desperate or sleazy. Just be your own happy self. Many men are attracted to bubbly women because they consider them exciting and warm. Many women act cool and quiet, and then wonder why men pay them no mind. Ask yourself -do you pay much attention to the quiet as mouse people? These are some starter tips to get the ball rolling. We will go into much greater detail soon, but I would like to get the hearing and feeling men out of the way so you all will know what I am talking about when I mention them. So We'll do those posts soon and get back to attraction..... Thank y'all for tuning in-See you soon....